Assalamualaikum and good evening fellow silent readers.
Picture was taken on my way to kk for a checkup. I left N with her dad at home, and had a calm journey without N trying to climb my stomach and frantically searching for bird. I swear I miss her so bad during the ride and I was crying because got caught red-handed sneaking away before she realized that I went outside. She cried at the grill and shouted “Ma” before the driver drove off. I sobbed and just ignored the driver. He would try to understand right????!!!! I am a mother and a full time housewife that have never been separated from my 1st born kot hmmz
August is a breastfeeding month by the way!! I am so happy and hopeful (for this second baby) to fully breastfeed. At first knowing that I was pregnant for second time, I had a hard time to accept it before it dawned on me. Ma shaa ALlah, it wasnt an easy week. I had to give up bf N at 10 months old and opt to fm. I felt like a failure, I blamed myself for not being cognizant enough, I resented those who didnt understand my situation and used “ada orang ttc for years but it is easy for you. Please be grateful” card and those sentences that are giving the same vibe. (Read: please stop. I dont need your unsolicited opinions and uncongenial advices regarding on how should I feel about this pregnancy. Unless I ask for it.)
Felt guilty sometimes because I could not bf N till two years. The fact that she was still 10 months old at that time and I was dealing with the sudden news, ill and brokenhearted. (Yes, because of the fluctuation of the pregnancy hormones too)
Despite that, I was stunned to know that the zygote is holding on with me being active with N. Not until the bump is showing and suddenly bigger than I thought it should have been. Ma shaa ALlah… I truly am grateful somehow and started to embrace N’s little sibling more, day by day. Didnt know that the duas I made desperately and hopefully, ALlah gifted it with another khalifah, growing healthily inside me.
After knowing that I was pregnant, feeling demotivated to breastfeed, I cried whenever I bottle fed N. Because I knew. I knew how hard, tired, exhausted and painful the journey was. With patches of beauty and love, affection and smeared with a lot of smiles and holding fingers, to biting, bleeding, and teething at unexpected times when you were dozing off, almost into the dreamland. Half of me even gave up to fully breastfeed for the second baby.
Not until my friends who were pregnant too, start asking about my breastfeeding journey. I poured and shared all of my knowledges, all the tips and even gave advices on whys and whens. And I feel appreciated. I dont want to give up and want to give my all.
Thanks to my lactation counsellor @nadmasrom, I really learn a lot. When I was pregnant with N, I joined the free classes, signed up for webinars and subscribed to know more about breastfeeding. I was even thinking to be like her, advocating on how to motivate 1st time mothers and those who have failed and wanted to breastfeed again. AlhamduliLlah, all of that I could share to my friends enthusiastically because breastfeeding is a vast topic and I really encourage those who are thinking to get pregnant, please read a lot and implore into breastfeeding.
Nevertheless,
All pregnant women, 1st time mothers, mothers who are at 2nd, 3rd and so forth pregnancy, only wanted to be seen and heard. Seen. And heard.
صل الله على محمد.