Assalamualaikum,
The fact that I knew, I knew it well how expectations ruin everything. I acknowledge that expectations that are not met should not we dwell in it and I comprehend it well that expectations, is just expectation. There is no meaning, no concrete evidence and unreliable.
But I still dwelled in it. I drowned myself, I drenched in expectations. Soaked so bad.
People would never. Never would they understand what kind of traumatic events, pressured phenomena, stressful situations that forced us to shape of who and what we are right now. We are the result of traumas, the consequences of what we made, the inner child in us. And we understand, have a clear idea of how something should be in accordance to how we react towards something. How we feel about it. We sympathize, we try to perceive it in their own shoes without assuming and speculate. The kaleidoscopes that they are wearing, we try to have a grasp of it. At least, we try.
The expectations of how I deduced that the closest people I have ever had would understand or at least appreciate that I put my trust, my expectation, and understanding, were crushed. Dissipated into thin air, fled away with the wind.
People, choose your people.
After all, I am most disappointed in myself. For letting such thing happens to me. Perturbed by the truth that I knew it all along but went with it still. Expectation, is cruel. And me, is crueller.
But…you know. Pregnancy and postpartum are phases of how a woman, becomes a woman. We are in the lurch for months, years even. Are a fragile, vulnerable, frail and susceptible to any kind of thing that prick our emotions phase. We get brain fog and we forget things a lot. But we dont forget who were there and how they treated us.
and, good evening.