When my dad passed away, I was sunken in the forlornness realm. I could not get up, I fell seven times, I stood one time. I fell eight times, I stood nowhere. It was like a never-ending war inside of me. I was so sad, depressed, gloomy. My heart felt like it could burst at the mere mention of my dad's nickname, full name, at the mere utter of "Abah".
I would be having a breakdown in the middle of the crowd, a meltdown when I saw peers with their parents. I remember a moment in Kuis, as I walked wanting to escape from all the too much information I received that day, I stumbled upon one of the juniors with her dad and mom. They were hugging and the dad was patting her head. Ha... I swear the thought of it still makes me choke in my tears.
I used to hug my dad's sarong at night. I hugged them like my life hung onto it. And I cried to sleep until I got sleepy. It was terrible, too poignant, that I am typing this away while sobbing. I dont know how long can I put up.