السلام عليكم
Back then, I could not comprehend why when in labor, or in any ujian, or rather in any distress, one is encouraged to invigorate istighfar/du'a Nabi Yunus-- لا اله إلا أنت سبحانك اني كنت من الظالمين, that translates beautifully:
"There is no God (ALlah) but You. Therefore, no one can save me from this EXCEPT YOU."
Didnt we just recite du'a syifa' that was taught to us like BismiLlah 5 or whatnots kan. Or so that I thought...
It remained enigmatic to me until I got pregnant with Khalid. Or Balqis? All I needed was a comfort, reassurance, and solace to escape the tremendous loneliness and fears, that I came upon Sodeeq Sobri's istighfar kabeer on utube. As a student of Ust Neezam al-Banjari myself, I was quite happy to know that Sodeeq is actually the student of Ust too. That made me think that ALlah showed me the way, He wanted to comfort me. He paved me to encounter that particular istighfar, no doubt I was certain. It was crystal clear.
When I was so desperate and needed help to put my worries away, ALlah blessed me with His Rahman. How could I not share this T__T
Then the epiphany hit hard. We all know that when ALlah puts you in a rough situation that you thought you could never escape.. is to elevate your imaan, beside Him, and ultimate glory is to dust away your sins?
But do we really get the grasp of the meaning although we did know that?
You truly think that you understand and can decipher the words? For all I know, I didnt know yet that time. How ALlah wanted to purify and to expiate my sins. Of not believing, trusting, giving my all, to actually indulge myself in du'a iftitah -- an affirmation of belief, the statement of purpose of life.
"Sesungguhnya solatku, ibadahku, hidupku dan matiku adalah untuk ALlah sekelian alam."
Then how could I. How could I affirm the iftitah on every prayer but I didnt reflect upon it? Wasnt I the wrongdoers? ALlah hasnt oppressed me. ALlah is free and above, beyond from oppression, injustice and unfairness.
So first, expiating, erasing my sins of not believing, putting trust in ALlah, the istighfar kabeer was my comfort and solace. Then came waves of relief and assurance. The contentment that I felt during those hard days was infinite and unfathomable.
Footnote:
Notice how I used caps lock to highlight how we should, need and have to put all of ourselves into ALlah's hands? (figuratively)
It is taqwaa. Believing that in ALlah's, everything will take place accordingly. Trusting with all our wellbeing that ALlah will take care of everything. So, put your worries and fears beside you, and bask under the faith that ALlah is All Knowing, Hearing and Healing ❤️
مع السلامة